Uncharted Waters
by NCISfan with Tivafever
Summary: Set during Season 7. Ziva battles her emotions and demons. She discovers she is pregnant but who is the father?  Some Tiva.   My first fic - please read and review!  WARNING: Contains Season 6/7 spoilers. Rated T to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first fic so please read and review! Constructive criticism welcome! **

**WARNING: Contains spoilers for end of Season 6 and beginning of Season 7.**

**This is unbeta'd to so all mistakes are my own. Enjoy!**

CHAPTER 1:

Ziva's POV:

Ziva looked up from the paperwork that was starting to make her head spin.

It had been a quiet week at NCIS headquarters, with no cases or Gibbs barking out 'Grab you gear!' leaving the team to fill out the paperwork which somehow always piled up. Ziva missed having a case to work on, it kept her focused and her mind busy. It meant that there was no opportunity to remember all the memories which she was trying to forget. The torture, the taunts, the violation. The three long months of waiting in Somalia with Saleem and his men…

In the first month, she had patiently waited for the Gibbs and the team, or her father to rescue her, smiling to herself as she didn't give Saleem the satisfaction of hearing her scream. The thought of the team rescuing her had kept her going and kept her from breaking.

In the second month, she was still waiting, she convinced herself that they were just on their way, but she could not get rid of the niggling voice in the back of her mind that said _"They're never coming. They don't want to find you. They don't care about you, nobody does. Why do you think they left you out here to die? You are nothing to them."_

By then, the ability to resist her body's reaction to the pain was weakening as her hopes started to fade. It was then she realised how much Tony meant to her, how much she missed him. The pain of never seeing him again overwhelmed the pain that Saleem inflicted on her.

By the third month, Ziva had given up all hope, she somehow endured all the pain Saleem kept putting her through. This frustrated him and so he became more and more creative with his methods of torture , repeatedly violating her body in an attempt to get her to scream or talk. However, he did it in vain, Ziva just wanted to die. She was now convinced that nobody was coming for her, that she was forgotten and worthless. She wondered why she had thought that somebody would be looking for her or be worried about her. At this time, her mind retreated leaving an empty shell of her former self, she stopped feeling the pain and was left with feeling nothing at all.

A phone rang, jerking her out of her reverie.

Ziva realised that she was shaky and slightly nauseous from having relived the memories. Thankfully, no one in the squadroom had noticed. They had been oblivious to her mental turmoil.

As she calmed down, she watched as McGee typed tirelessly on his computer and thought of how much he had grown into a capable NCIS agent. She remembered how he had come to her rescue with Gibbs and Tony. Tony.

Just the sound of his name made her smile on the inside. She turned to look at him and for once he was working, head down, pen scribbling. These days, his carefree attitude of a 'frat boy who had never grown up' had toned down slightly. Sure, he still spouted movie quotes and endlessly teased McGee, but something had changed. Somehow, he had become a bit more responsible, perhaps it was in the three months that she was in Somalia.

He must've felt her staring at him because he looked up and gave her a heart-warming smile. A smile that said everything. A smile that said a thousand words. A smile that said 'I love you'.

* * *

><p>After Ziva's return, she and Tony had become much closer; in those three terrible months, they both had realised how much they needed each other and how they felt about each other.<p>

He would come to her apartment every night to check that she was okay. Night after night, he watched her breakdown due to the physical and emotional trauma that she had suffered in Somalia. Tony mostly listened and comforted her, and she found his presence somewhat calming.

At first, Ziva had resisted him coming, she didn't want him to see her being an emotional wreck. She couldn't understand why he would want to spend time with somebody so broken and unstable. Despite her attempts to push him away, he had learnt from losing her the first time and did not give up.

Once Ziva had let go of all the emotions she had bottled up in Somalia, she started to enjoy Tony's company and looked forward to their evenings. He usually ended up staying for hours or even staying the night. Most of the time, Ziva would cook dinner for the two of them and Tony would bring dessert and a movie, as he saw it as an opportunity to educate her in films. She felt the need to broaden his palette from pepperoni pizza and Chinese take away.

After the movie, they would usually stay up chatting until late and this is when she unconsciously let him see a side of her that she wouldn't normally reveal.

A side in which she had hidden her emotions since her father started training her as an Mossad assassin when she was a child.

He learnt about her childhood, her family and her life before NCIS. At first it had been difficult for her to let down her guard, to talk about her past but little by little she had let him in. There were still times when her Mossad training kicked in, she would hear her father's voice saying _"Emotions are weaknesses"_ and she would rebuild the wall that Tony had endeavoured to bring down brick by brick.

Neither Tony nor Ziva mentioned the strange relationship that had developed between them, and their emotions about each other always went unsaid. Nevertheless, their three month separation and the feelings which they had endured since they had first met, soon came together; and as she began to trust him with her emotions, she subconsciously started to trust him with her heart.

**I hope you enjoyed it! Please bear in mind it is my first ever fic, so do not completely diss it.**

**Please review! Tell me what you think! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hi again! Hope you enjoyed the previous chapter!**

**Thank you to my reviewers: Liraeyn, learn to steer by the stars, jae0211, and especially Callisto-HK. If I could give you all Abby-hugs I would! ;-)**

**Enjoy!**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS. :(**_

When Ziva woke up early next morning to find Tony on the bed next to her with his arms wrapped around her waist, she froze. She distinctly remembered telling him to sleep on the couch. She wondered how she could not have woken up when he came into her room and slept on her bed.

'Morning Sweet Cheeks.' Tony mumbled sleepily.

'Morning my Little Hairy Butt,' she replied, 'I'm going for a run, I'll be back soon.'

She untangled herself from his arms and pulled on a running top and trackies. Stepping outside into the clear blue skies, she sighed and thought 'What a perfect day'. She set off on her usual route, somewhat slower than normal, but it felt good to have the crisp breeze tousle her hair and brush her face.

On the way back to her apartment, she was running past a park when she started to feel faint and stumbled, almost falling flat on her face. Trying to recover and waving away the concerned looks of passersby, she slowed down to a walk.

Dizziness started to overcome her and she sat on the nearest bench, with her head on her knees taking slow deep breaths.

As she felt the feeling subside, she dismissed her giddiness for having not had breakfast yet, slowly got up and started walking back to her apartment.

* * *

><p>Tony and Ziva walked into the squadroom together earning themselves a suspicious look from McGee.<p>

'What are you staring at, McSuspicious?' asked Tony as he dumped his bag by his desk, 'My car broke down and Ziva gave me a lift.'

As soon as Tony and Ziva had sat down, Gibbs walked in with his usual morning cup of coffee.

'Grab your gear! Dead Marine! McGee, call Ducky. Tony, gas the truck.'

As Tony left, Ziva stood up to grab her rucksack and immediately felt light-headed, she desperately clutched the edge of her desk to steady herself. Both McGee and Gibbs saw and watched her with concern.

'You okay, Ziva?' Gibbs asked.

'Yes, Gibbs, I must've just stood up too quickly and had a - a -', Ziva racked her brain for the word, 'Head slush.'

McGee stifled a laugh, 'Head rush?' he corrected.

'If you say so, but I like my version better.' she said with a smile.

Gibbs nodded dismissively and they headed to the elevator.

They arrived at the crime scene, a white suburban house where it's owner, a Marine, was lying in the middle of the living room in a large pool of blood. The team were soon doing their normal tasks; Tony taking crime scene photos and sketches, Ziva bagging and tagging evidence, and McGee and Gibbs were interviewing and taking statements from witnesses and neighbours.

Ducky arrived and crouched down beside the body.

'Now, my dear fellow, what happened to you?' said Ducky as he started to examine the dead Marine, 'Ah, a gunshot wound to the abdomen. No exit wound so the round should still be you.'

Ducky stuck a liver probe into the man's liver.

'Time of death, Duck?' asked Gibbs

Ducky looked at the monitor, 'Around 10 hours ago, yesterday at 1900 hours.'

'Now, let's get you home.' Ducky said to the body.

On returning to NCIS, they proceeded to find out what they could about the dead Marine. Gibbs came in with his usual cup of coffee, the strong aroma tinged the air of the squadroom.

Ziva could smell it from her desk and started to feel queasy. She shook her head as if trying to shake the feeling away. 'What is wrong with me,' she thought, 'I usually love the smell of coffee.'

'Ziva! What have you got?' Gibbs called.

Ziva swallowed back her nausea and started speaking.

'Corporal Thomas Brian Evans. 32. He grew up in Virginia and has one sister. His mother Patricia, suffered a fatal stroke two years ago but his father John who is 71, still resides in Virginia. Evans has a girlfriend called Lucy Johnson, she lives four blocks away from Evans. I rung her house number but there was no answer. The company at which she works as a receptionist, says she did not turn up for work today. Her parents say they haven't heard from her for two days. I'm going to go to her house now.'

'Tony!'

'Evans served a tour in Afghanistan last year and was preparing to go for a second next month. According to his CO, Evans was a good Marine, he was reliable and a team player. He was outgoing, friendly and everyone liked him. I'll go with Ziva to the girlfriend's house.'

'McGee!'

'Evan's financial records show nothing out of the ordinary, his wages were normal for a Marine of his rank and he had no unusual payments being paid out or in. His phone records are normal as well, with most calls to his girlfriend, as well as regular calls to his father and sister.'

'Tony, Ziva, look out for anything in the girlfriend's house that might be suspicious and whether she was planning on leaving. McGee, find anything that might give somebody motive to kill Evans and check his girlfriend's phone and bank records.' said Gibbs, and with that, he swiftly went down to Autopsy.

'What you got for me, Duck?'

'Well Jethro, our dear friend here, expired at about 1900 hours yesterday due to the gunshot wound. It caused massive internal bleeding as well as rapid external blood loss. In addition, I think he and his attacker must've fought because there is skin under his fingernails, and his knuckles are bruised and bloody. I sent the bullet up to Abby, as well as the blood and skin samples.'

Within hearing the last few words of Ducky's sentence, Gibbs exited and went to Abby's lab, Caf-Pow in hand. As soon as he left the elevator, he heard the deafening music blasting for her lab.

'Abby! ABBY!' he shouted in vain, she was so immersed with her computers and her music that she did not hear his yells.

He strode to her office and violently pushed at some buttons until the deafening sound ceased.

Abby spun round. 'What the h-? Oh hey, Gibbs! I didn't hear you coming.'

Gibbs hid a smile. 'Abs, what you got for me?'

'Okay, well I ran the bullet Ducky sent up, it's a .45. I found a fingerprint on the cartridge case left at the scene, ran it through AFIS and got a match to Paul Dalton, Evan's next door neighbour. Dalton has a gun registered in his name that uses .45 rounds. The DNA from the skin and blood Ducky found is also a match to Paul Dalton. Dalton must be Evan's attacker, Gibbs.'

'Good work, Abs. Call me if you get anything else.' Gibbs said, handing over her Caf-Pow!.

He began to walk out of her lab and immediately his phone started ringing. He flipped it open.

'Gibbs.'

'Got something!' cried Abby.

Gibbs smiled, flipped his phone shut and walked back to Abby.

She grinned.

'When the matches to Paul Dalton came up, it showed he had several restraining orders placed on him. All requested by Corporal Evans. I dug a little deeper and found that Lucy Johnson, Evan's girlfriend, used to be Dalton's fiancé.'

'Thank you, Abs.'

Gibbs kissed Abby on the cheek.

Tony and Ziva arrived back at NCIS after going to Lucy Johnson's house. It was apparent that Ziva had driven because Tony looked slightly green.

'Next time, I am driving! You nearly got us killed Ziva!' complained Tony.

'You exaggerate. The van did not even hit us. And if _you_ had driven, it would have taken us _twice_ as long to get there! You drive like a little old lady.' Ziva retorted.

'At least if I drive, we won't come back in body bags.' Tony muttered quietly. Not quietly enough, Ziva glared at him.

Gibbs arrived in the squadroom to hear their bickering, and with a smirk gave them both a headslap.

'What did you find in Johnson's house?' he asked.

'Not much, Boss. Everything looked like normal, she didn't appear to be planning to go somewhere. There were notes on the fridge reminding her about things to do this week. So if anything, she was definitely coming back.'

McGee spoke up, 'Boss, her phone has been turned off since around the time Evans was killed, and her credit cards haven't been used since that day either.'

'The print on the shell casing, the blood and skins samples from Evan's hands all came back to Evan's neighbour – Paul Dalton. So let's go pay Dalton a visit.' Gibbs said.

The team drew up outside Dalton's house and got out of the car. As they were approaching they heard a muffled scream coming from inside.

All four agents drew their guns.

'Ziva, you're with me. Tony and McGee, go round the back.' Gibbs said quietly.

'Got it, boss.' Tony quickly replied, he and McGee started to head silently around the side of the house, to enter through the back.

Gibbs and Ziva edged to the front door and found it locked. Ziva quickly picked the lock and both quietly slipped inside.

After creeping down the long hallway, they entered a wide living room and found themselves face to face with Dalton, holding a gun straight at them.

...TBC...

**Uh-Oh! What will happen next? **

**I was going to make the next part all one chapter but I decided to break it up for a bit of suspense! :P **

**Let me know what you think about the chapter - please review! :) ****It will make me happy! - I am being made to tidy my room at this moment. :( **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hi! Hope you enjoyed the previous chapter! Thanks again to my reviewers! Your reviews make me happy! :D**

**I'm sorry for any errors.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><em>Previously...<em>

_Gibbs and Ziva edged to the front door and found it locked. Ziva quickly picked the lock and both quietly slipped inside. _

_After creeping down the long hallway, they entered a wide living room and found themselves face to face with Dalton, holding a gun straight at them. _

In the corner of the room was Lucy Johnson, Evan's girlfriend, wrists bound and her mouth gagged. She was silently crying.

'Put down your guns or I'll shoot her!' Dalton shouted.

Lucy started to whimper softly.

"I can't do that Dalton. I have to protect my partner.' Gibbs replied.

Gibbs then tried to distract the man from their guns.

'Your neighbour Corporal Evans was killed yesterday. We just wanted to ask you some questions.'

'I don't know anything.' Dalton said.

Gibbs raised an eyebrow, 'Really? We found a shell casing with your fingerprint on it, and your skin and blood on Evans. I'm sure if we look at your knuckles, we'll find bruises and there will be gunshot residue on your clothes.'

'HE STOLE MY FIANCE!' Dalton roared, 'We were going to get married and he KNEW that. He took her away from me!'

Gibbs saw Tony and McGee behind Dalton, trying to make their way forward from the back of the house, he watched them surreptitiously, trying not to tip off Dalton.

Dalton didn't notice anything and continued angrily 'He thought he was so much better than me. From my window, I saw them every night at his house, smiling, laughing, KISSING! He KNEW I could see them! He did it deliberately and it made me mad!'

'So you thought murdering him and kidnapping your ex-fiancé would solve that?' Gibbs asked.

'I wanted him GONE so I could have my fiancé back! He just waltzed into my life and stole her.' he shouted.

* * *

><p>Ziva's POV:<p>

I started to feel dizzy and faint, finding that I could see two Daltons merging and wavering in front of me. I took deep breaths to try to hold myself together. My hands that held my gun poised towards Dalton shook uncontrollably.

Tony took another step forward behind Dalton and winced as the floor creaked.

Dalton swung around to face Tony and McGee. This was my opportunity to get Evan's girlfriend. I edged my way to the corner where she huddled.

'Ziva, don't.' Gibbs warned softly, in vain.

I kept edging forward. Without warning, Dalton swung around again.

"Damn." I thought in my head.

He saw me heading for his fiancé.

'Nooo!' He roared, 'First, Evans takes her away from me and now you!"

The sound of two gunshots filled the air, mingling with the sounds of screams. I couldn't work out where the shots came from until I became aware of excruciating pain radiating from my shoulder and my side. Four other shots came in quick succession of the first two and I could vaguely hear my name being shouted.

I put my hand on my side and felt something wet and sticky spreading over my hand. I didn't realise that I was falling until I hit the wooden floor, smacking my head hard on a table. Blackness immediately clouded my vision.

I could faintly hear Gibbs shouting at McGee to call for an ambulance. I felt pressure on my shoulder and in my side, I moaned as the pain heightened. I smelt familiar cologne and realised that Tony was next to me. The task of breathing was getting harder, and I felt that the more I tried to breathe in, the less air I took in.

'Ziva! ZIVA! Can you open your eyes?' Tony asked, desperately.

I fought the blackness and forced my eyes open. Tony was kneeling over me - Gibbs behind him - with a frantic look on his face, his normally calm green eyes wide with panic.

'Ziva! Please hold on! An ambulance is on its way. Stay with me! Please!' he said, urgently.

I realised that he was begging and there was an edge of panic in his voice.

'Tony. Can't breathe!' I choked, 'Please stay with me.'

My eyes started shutting and I fought against the darkness to keep them open and to stay conscious.

WHERE'S THE AMBULANCE?' I faintly heard Gibbs shout at McGee.

'Please, Ziva! Hang on!' Tony said.

'Can't.' I moaned again, the pain was blinding and overwhelming me.

What if I never saw Tony again? Three words circled my mind, nagging me, willing me to say them. I had to say them before it was too late.

'I love you, Tony.' I whispered

'I love you too, Ziva.'

It was the last thing I heard, before my mind went dark and the black fog swept me away.

**Dun Dun Duhhhh!**

**Sorry for the cliff-hanger! :P **

**Please REVIEW! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey! Sorry for the huge wait! I intended to do the chapter at the weekend but I got ill. :(  
>Thanks to everyone who has readreviewed/alerted/favourited! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or its characters. **

_Previously:_

'_I love you, Tony.' I whispered_

'_I love you too, Ziva.' He uttered quietly._

_It was the last thing I heard, before my mind went dark and the black fog swept me away._

Tony's POV:

I held Ziva's hand as her eyes drifted shut and she faded out of consciousness. I couldn't believe that I had just said those three little words that had plagued me for years. They had been so effortless to say and it had felt so right. In those few seconds, I had no doubts about how I felt about Ziva. I mentally kicked myself for the years I spent worrying about saying those words that conveyed my feelings so clearly.

I quickly felt for a pulse in her wrist. It took me a while to find one but it was there, weak but there nonetheless. I concentrated on trying to stop the blood that was pouring out of her side. My jacket, which I had earlier used to put pressure on her wounds, was already soaked through, saturated with her blood. Her face had taken on a deathly pale pallor and her hand felt cold.

I realised that Gibbs was kneeling on Ziva's other side, pressing a towel onto Ziva's shoulder. Our eyes met and I could see the worry and concern etched onto his face. He seemed to have aged ten years in fifteen minutes. I hoped he couldn't read my thoughts otherwise I'd be headslapped out of this oblivion for even thinking those thoughts.

I had totally forgotten where we were until I saw Lucy Johnson still sitting in the corner. She was white and looked shocked at what had happened. I knew Dalton was lying in the middle of the floor with about nine rounds in him, at least three of them being mine.

Suddenly I heard McGee's voice behind me, I turned to find paramedics rushing towards us. They pushed me aside as they quickly went to work on Ziva. I felt helpless. Ziva was just lying there bleeding out and I couldn't do anything about it. As I stood watching them work, it was as if reality had taken over and I had been left behind. I felt numb and in shock at how quickly the situation had unfolded.

The paramedics laid Ziva on a stretcher and hurriedly carried her to the waiting ambulance. Some more paramedics arrived and checked over Lucy Johnson.

I ran to get into the ambulance with Ziva but Gibbs put a hand on my shoulder, stopping me.

'No, Tony. We'll go in the car. Let them do they're job.'

The ambulance sped away sirens blaring, lights blazing as Gibbs led me to the car. He turned to McGee.

'Go back to NCIS, Tim. Tell Vance what happened and bring Abby and Ducky to the hospital.'

I sat numbly in the passenger seat. It took me a while to realise that Gibbs had called McGee by his first name. A tense silence that blanketed the car as Gibbs drove to Bethesda Naval hospital faster than he had ever driven before, probably breaking more traffic rules than Ziva usually did.

In what seemed like hours but was only ten minutes, we arrived at the hospital. We hurried to the entrance and to the front desk where a mature female nurse sat. Gibbs gave the nurse a blast of his famous glare.

'NCIS Special Agents Gibbs and DiNozzo here for Ziva David.' He growled as he flashed his badge.

'Miss David has just been taken into surgery, Agent Gibbs. It will be a few hours until she gets out and we will not know anything until then, so make yourself comfortable in the waiting room down the hall.' she said.

Gibbs, who seemed to realise that there was no more information he could get, marched down the corridor leaving me trailing in his wake.

20 Minutes later...

I heard the familiar sound of platform boots running down the hallway and two seconds later a tall black blur with pigtails rushed into the room followed by McGee and Ducky.

'Gibbs Gibbs Gibbs! WhathappenedtoZiva? Issheokay? Whendidshegointosurgery? Isthereanynews?'

'Slow down, Abs. Breathe.' Gibbs calmed.

'Okay,' said Abby, taking deep breaths. 'Calming down.'

Gibbs soon brought Abby and Ducky up to speed with what happened at Dalton's house.

'Poor poor Ziva. She will be alright though, right? Gibbs?' asked Abby, worriedly.

'Don't know, Abs. It was pretty serious, she lost loads of blood.' replied Gibbs, quietly.

'No!' Abby cried, 'She has to be alright! The team can't lose one more! First Kate, then Jenny, now Ziva? No!'  
>And with that she dissolved into tears. Gibbs wrapped his arms around her.<p>

I looked down at my hands, they were covered in blood. Ziva's blood.

_***Flashback***_

_I take another step forward and wince as the floorboard creak loudly._

_Dalton swings around to face McGee and I._

'_Damn.' I think, 'Play it slow, DiNozzo, play it slow.'_

_I see Ziva edging her way towards Lucy Johnson. I surreptitiously look back at Dalton._

_Thank God he doesn't notice._

_Dalton without warning turns to Gibbs and Ziva again and sees her making for his ex-fiancé._

'_Nooo!' He roars, 'First, Evans takes her away from me and now you!" _

_And before I know what's happened, he has fired two shots at Ziva. The sound of Dalton's gunshots fill the room and are met with the screams of Lucy Johnson. Instinctively I pull the trigger, twice, three times. Simultaneously, McGee and Gibbs fire at Dalton as well. His body crumples on the floor_

_I start seeing everything happening in slow motion, a second seeming like a minute. I see Ziva's body jerk with the impact Dalton's two rounds and her brown eyes widen as the bullets make themselves felt._

_I hear a voice shout 'Ziva!'and realise that it is my own._

_Her body starts to fall and with a crash she hits the floor and at the same time whacks her head on the nearby table._

_By this time, I have started to run to her, not caring whether Dalton still has his weapon. I am aware of Gibbs shouting to McGee but my only concern is getting to Ziva._

_When I reach her motionless body, I think she is dead but as I rip of my jacket and press it into her wounds, she moans. Thank God she is still alive._

_One round has gone into her shoulder and one into her side, both are bleeding uncontrollably. The blood starts soaking through the jacket and seeping through my hands..._

_***End of flashback***_

I jumped as I realise that a doctor has come into the room, calling for the family of Ziva David.

Everyone stood up and immediately crowded around the doctor. He raised his eyebrow.

'You are all family of Ms. David?' he asked.

We all glared at him in reply.

'Very well.' He says hurriedly, 'Two rounds entered Ms. David's body. The first in her shoulder, the second in her side. The second did the most damage, it hit a couple of her ribs as well as puncturing her lung. She is very lucky that the second round did not damage her abdomen at all.'

We looked at each other, puzzled.

But the doctor continued, 'Because the round punctured her lung, she stopped breathing on the operating table and we almost lost her. However after resuscitation, everything went well.'

We all breathed a sigh of relief.

'Nevertheless, her body sustained extensive damage and so we had to put her in a medically induced coma. This will ensure the body has some time to heal itself without further damage. She will wake up when her body has recovered from the trauma, when it is ready. But all in all, she and her baby will be alright.'

'WHAT?' we all cried simultaneously.

Had I heard him wrong? Ziva was pregnant?

**Thanks for reading! :) Review, review, review! Please let me know what you think!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello! Thank you again to everyone who has read, reviewed/story alerted/favourited this story! It is much appreciated!**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 5

_A few hours after Ziva had come out of surgery._

I looked down at Ziva who looked so small and vulnerable in the white hospital bed. She was still very pale but I was relieved to see that she had some colour in her cheeks. Her left shoulder was bandaged and in a sling. Her dark curly hair fanned out on the pillow and despite having the breathing tube coming out of her mouth, I found her beautiful. I held her right hand in mine, being careful not to dislodge one of the many tubes and IV drips connected to her, and stroked her hand gently with my thumb.

'Oh, Ziva.' I sighed.

The only reply was the regular beeping from the heart monitor. Annoying as I thought those beeps sounded, it showed that she was still alive. And for that I was thankful.

I couldn't believe how close I'd came to losing her. Again.

'We must stop making this a habit.' I joked sombrely.

I rubbed my eyes, it was 11 o'clock in the evening and despite having been sitting for endless hours, I was exhausted. However, every time I shut my eyes, I could only think of the doctor telling us Ziva and the baby would be fine.

_The doctor was telling us about Ziva's condition and we were all listening intently._

'_Her body sustained extensive damage and so we had to put her in a medically induced coma. This will ensure the body has some time to heal itself without further damage. She will wake up when her body has recovered from the trauma, when it is ready. But all in all, she and her baby will be alright.'_

'_WHAT?' I almost shouted, along with the others._

_Surely there must be a mistake, Ziva couldn't be pregnant! I quickly thought of the times at Ziva's house, I had always slept on the couch, we hadn't even kissed, let alone slept together. Even after saying 'I love you' today I realised that I had always loved her. But we had never taken things to another level, because we both knew that she wasn't ready._

_My mental turmoil lasted only seconds because Ducky said to the doctor:_

'_Ziva is pregnant?'_

_The doctor looked astonished._

'_Surely you knew?' He asked._

'_Of course not. Do we look like we did?' Gibbs snapped._

_I could see that he was hurting, probably because Ziva hadn't told him that she was pregnant, and he was basically a father to her._

_But she hadn't told me for that matter, or any of us._

'_How far along is she?' Abby asked._

'_I'd say about 5 weeks. But it's just an approximation.'_

_All of us were silent however McGee, Abby and Ducky were darting glances at me, and Gibbs was glaring at me._

'_You and I need to talk, DiNozzo.' He said before grabbing my arm and dragging me off to an empty room._

_It was tense for a few seconds before he said two words._

'_Rule 12.'_

'_Boss!' I said indignantly, 'We haven't broken Rule 12! We haven't done anything except stay up into the small hours chatting!'_

_Gibbs raised an eyebrow._

_I continued. 'Seriously. I have been keeping her company every night. We have dinner, watch a movie and chat about anything, everything. There is no way that we could, you know, especially after everything in Somalia.'_

_Then we both realised._

_Somalia. Saleem. _

'_Shit.' I said quietly. _

_Despite not knowing the details about what Ziva went through, there was no doubt about this. The way we had found her, without any clothes and with bruises on her legs and arms, it had been pretty obvious._

_I couldn't believe that we had been so ignorant about what it might result in._

'_So there is no way that the baby is yours, Tony?' Gibbs asked seriously._

'_No boss. Absolutely no.' I replied looking directly at his eyes._

_We both were quiet and thinking._

'_What are we going to tell her, Gibbs? That she is carrying her rapist's child? She will fall to pieces! And she has only just recovered!'_

_Gibbs gave me a headslap._

'_Of course not, DiNozzo. We can only support her in this, God knows she'll need it.'_

_We then went back to the waiting room. Ducky was the only one there, sitting in one of the plastic chairs, he saw us and stood up._

'_I made the others go home.' he said._

'_Do we know who the f–'_

_Gibbs cut him off with one word._

'_Saleem.' He spat the name as if it was a disgusting taste._

_Ducky shook his head angrily. 'That bastard! He deserved more than that bullet to the head. Poor Ziva.'_

_Gibbs furiously strode off presumably to find some coffee and Ducky led me to a chair. He patted me on the back._

'_Ziva is really going to need you now, my dear boy.'_

_I nodded not really knowing what to say._

I was jerked out of my reverie when I felt a slight movement in Ziva's hand under mine. I leaned forward in my chair and held my breath, watching her.

Nothing.

Her face was as blank as before and her heart monitor still emitted those regular beeps. I sighed and leaned back again.

I knew the doctor had said that Ziva would wake up when she was ready, but who knew when that would be? I remembered Jenny telling us three years ago how it was as if Gibbs didn't want to wake up when he was in a coma. So what if Ziva was in the same situation? It had only been a few hours since her surgery and she had been through so much mentally and physically in Somalia. What if she didn't _want _to wake up?

I didn't think that I could face living without her again, that had been proved in Somalia. I mean, I had gone as far as going to avenge her supposed death and I didn't care whether I lived or died.

Suddenly the heart monitor started screaming, the beeping escalating and Ziva's hand clenched in mine. I stood up quickly, her eyes opened, wide with panic. She started choking on the breathing tube, trying to take a breath but finding the tube down her throat. I shouted to the nurses.

I looked into her deep brown eyes, willing her to calm.

'Ziva, try to relax, everything's alright, you're in the hospital.' I soothed.

She visibly relaxed but she still fought against the breathing tube.

The doctor and some nurses ran into the room and I was pushed out of the way. I hear could hear the doctor talking to Ziva.

'It's alright Ziva, just try to relax and don't fight the breathing tube. We are taking it out now.' He said calmly.

And I heard the sound of Ziva gagging.

The nurses left the room, leaving me and the doctor and…Gibbs?

Where had he come from?

'Ms. David, are you in any pain?' the doctor asked as he checked her vitals.

She shook her head and then motioned to the cup of ice cubes at her bedside. I took the cup and spooned a cube in her mouth. She looked at me gratefully.

'It is normal to have a very sore throat after having a breathing tube, this will go in time. In the meantime, try to rest your voice.' the doctor said.

He continued, 'You are in Bethesda Naval hospital and were brought in with two gunshot wounds, one to your shoulder and one to your side. The one to your shoulder will mean a painful recovery, and you will be looking at a long time of physiotherapy to resume all movement. The bullet to your side caused extensive damage and punctured the lung, which is why you had trouble breathing when you were shot. The surgery from both went well for the most part, however we had to put you into a medically induced coma, to give your body time to recover.'

Ziva looked, well, shocked but tried to hide it as usual.

The doctor carried on, 'But do not worry, everything went well, you and your baby will be fine.'

Ziva went white.

'What?' She rasped.

The doctor looked flustered.

'You didn't know?'

Ziva, despite just waking up from a coma, glared at him full force.

'Oh. Well, the baby is about 5 weeks old.' the doctor said.

Ziva was silent, I could see that she realised who the father was.

The doctor said awkwardly, 'Erm, well I will leave you to get some rest.'

He turned to us.

'Agents Gibbs and DiNozzo, I can only let you stay here for ten minutes. Remember, Ms. David needs to recover, do not let her get stressed or worked up. That is imperative. I will be back in ten minutes to check on her.' He gave us a warning look and left.

I turned to look at Ziva, to find tears streaming down her face.

'Oh Zi!' I said as I sat down and gently squeezed her hand.

Gibbs sat on her other side, he looked at her, concerned.

'Gibbs, I know what you must be thinking. Rule 12, me and Tony…' Ziva croaked.

'Ziver, shush.' He calmed her, 'I know .'

'What?'

'I know.'

Ziva sobbed harder, it broke my heart to see her like this.

'Zi, everything will be alright–'

She cut me off, 'No Tony! Everything will not be alright! I am pregnant with the child of the man who raped me! A man who tortured me! A man who made my life hell! How can you tell me everything will be alright!'

**Thanks for reading! :D Now please click the little blue/grey button for reviewing! ;)**

** I am going away, so this will be the last update for about 2 weeks!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey! I am so so sorry for the huge wait! :( I know I said two weeks, but I really needed to sort out what would happen, and well...life just got really hectic. As a result of this, I haven't had much time to read - let alone write - much fanfic. :(  
>I start school this week and I don't think I'll be able to update as regularly as before, but hopefully every week? (But that might be optimistic! :P)<strong>

**Thanks to everyone who has stuck by this - it means a lot. :D **

**This chapter was meant to be pretty major, but I kinda changed it so it's now a filler but kinda not. If that makes sense in any way! :P But hopefully it's better that nothing!**

**Anyway, please read and review! :D**

_**[Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or it's characters.]**_

**Chapter 6**

_Previously:_

_Ziva cuts Tony off. 'No Tony! Everything will not be alright! I am pregnant with the child of the man who raped me! A man who tortured me! A man who made my life hell! How can you tell me everything will be alright!'_

One week after Ziva's surgery.

Ziva lay in her hospital bed, bored. She looked out of the window of her room and was greeted by the same view of the weary flowers growing in a trampled flowerbed.

The team was at work and she was alone.

She hated times like this, if she was alone; her thoughts were uncontrollable and would always come back to Saleem and Somalia. At least if the team was there, she would be distracted by idle chat for a while. Nobody ever mentioned the baby or Saleem, and everyone would go to great lengths to avoid the sensitive subject after the doctor told Ziva that she couldn't abort the baby until she had fully recovered from surgery. Ziva had glared and growled, and threatened that she could kill him eighteen different ways with the stethoscope around his neck, however he wouldn't budge. So for now, she had to wait.

She sighed. She hated hospitals, being surrounded by doctors and nurses who seemed to want to stick needles and tubes into her and to carry out tests on her every minute.

She hated being incapable, with her arm in a sling and being made to travel around in a wheelchair. She knew it was better that way because when she moved, she often felt sharp pain. But she wouldn't tell anyone of course.

She was tired of people treating her as if she was made out of glass when they came to visit. There were always silences when no one knew what to say to her. She couldn't blame them really. What _would _one say to a person who was carrying the child of their rapist? Those silences would stretch on until somebody was brave enough to break them. Usually it was Abby who would start rambling at top speed about anything and everything in an attempt to cover up the awkwardness, or McGee who would comment uncomfortably about the weather. Sometimes Ducky would even start telling one of his many stories.

She wished that everything that had happened these past few weeks was a dream. When she woke up each morning, she half expected everything to be back to normal. But who was she trying to kid?

Her hand unconsciously moved to her stomach.

She still couldn't believe that a baby was growing in there. Saleem's baby.

Her hand balled into a fist and she pressed it into her stomach until pain stopped her. She knew that she could not and _would not_ keep the baby.

Baby. If that it is what it even was.

Babies are meant to be made out of love. This one certainly wasn't, it was made with hatred, anger and pain. And it was now growing inside her like a cancer, feeding on her. A monster with Saleem's face, forcing itself out and looking up at her with its baleful black eyes, caverns of darkness, its thin mouth leering at her.

She wanted it out. Now.

Ziva suddenly pushed aside the sheet and without a second thought, ripped the IV line out of her arm, ignoring the stab of pain and the blood that trickled down. She swung her legs out of the bed and shoved her feet in the slippers under the bed, grabbing her long black cardigan to hide the stark hospital gown and her sling.

Immediately she started walking unsteadily out of her room and felt a stab of pain in her side, a reminder of Dalton's bullet. She didn't care and kept walking on shaky legs out of the room, past the empty nurses' station and into an elevator.

As soon as the doors closed, she leaned against the side breathing heavily and caught sight of a woman on the mirrored wall. She gasped and held her breath in anticipation, and the woman did the same. Ziva realised that she had not even recognised herself. Her hair was long and dull, her face had taken a pale hue. Her eyes once a rich chocolate brown were now empty and without their familiar spark.

Ding.

The lift opened on the ground floor. Ziva, once again put her weight on leg which felt like jelly and stumbled out, heading to the exit. She was surprised, always expecting to hear alarms sounding or people shouting her name in discovering her disappearance, but none came and she was glad.

As she went through the automatic doors, a blast of cold air hit her and she shivered, tugging at thin cardigan awkwardly with one hand in an attempt to protect herself against the chilling wind.

She inhaled the crisp air deeply, finding the clean and pure air satisfying, even when it made her nose sting and her throat burn.

Her eyes started to water but she braced herself against the wind. She ground her teeth in pain as she set off slowly to the nearby park.

**Hmm. Not a great chapter I know, but I hope that it was better than nothing!**

**Anyway...tell me what you think, please review! :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey all! Thanks for the reviews/alerts/favourites so far! Didn't realise I would update so quickly!**

**Shoutout to reviewers: 7Seven7, zats, ForeignMusicLyrics, NazChick, DianaPrince86 and anonymous reviewer! Sorry if I missed anyone out!**

Ziva's POV:

Rain begins to fall, mingling with the tears running down my face. Combined with the harsh wind, it causes my hair to whip against my cheeks. I no longer try to shield myself with the thin black material wrapped around me and the wind catches it, blowing it around me like a cape.

At this point, I am almost running. I feel energy in my legs that have been unused for too long, an urge to run, like the need to breathe. It overpowers the dull pain in my side and shoulder. I let it loose, letting my legs carry me as fast as they can away from the hospital, away from life.

I soon forget everything, the rain and the pain, and focus on running. It feels good to run, like breathing in a breath of fresh air and the stiffness in my legs begins to fade. In hospital, I missed going for a run every morning. I realised how it had become an important part of life, an escape, a place where worries couldn't follow.

Soon I realise that I have reached the park. There aren't many people around with weather like this so it is a perfect place to be.

As I run around the corner and near a bench, I slip on the wet grass and somehow go flying into it, with my one good arm outstretched. I hit it heavily, the wooden digging into my abdomen, my face narrowly missing the same fate. Excruciating pain immediately courses across my lower stomach and my recovering side. I moan in agony but the sound is drowned out by the wind and rain.

Breathing heavily to try to relieve the pain, I somehow lower myself to the ground. My good hand instinctively moves to my abdomen and I already feel that something isn't right. A blood stain appears on the white hospital gown and rapidly expands from the surgery in my side where my stitches must have been ripped. Pain pulses through my lower torso and I feel sick with nausea and despair. I feel wetness on the inside of my thighs and look down to see the whiteness of the gown being enveloped in red. With each pulse of pain, more blood seems to come out and I can't do anything to stop it. I instinctively know what is happening and it scares me.

I call out for help but my cries are taken away by the wind. I can do nothing but sit with the rain slapping down on my face, and I pray that someone will help me.

**I know it's short but I thought it was a good place to leave it. For now. :)**

**Please leave a review. :D**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hellooo! I'm sorry it's been a week or so, it took me a while to write this chapter. Probably why it is almost the longest chapter I've written! :P**

**School has now started again so please bear with me for updates!**

**A big thanks to everyone who has reviewed! You know who you are, so Abby-hugs for you! :D Also thanks to people who story alerted or favourited! Love you all!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Tony's POV:<p>

I sighed in relief as I drove to Bethesda Naval Hospital.

Finally.

I think Gibbs could tell I was distracted all morning, probably why he had told me to get an early lunch. I just couldn't wait to visit Ziva and had been thinking about it constantly, answering Gibbs in monosyllabic answers and staring at the paperwork mindlessly.

I pulled into the parking lot, humming loudly to myself, and parked my car haphazardly in a random free space. I grabbed my extra sweet coffee and a Berry Mango Madness off the back seat and hurriedly clambered out of the car, fumbling with my keys to lock the door. The rain was pouring down and I could feel it already dripping down the back of my collar, onto my neck. The wind howled around me but even the weather couldn't dampen my spirits.

Entering the familiar ward, the nurses all smiled at my happy mood and I couldn't help but smile back. I strode into Ziva's room and cried:

'How are we today, My Little Nin-?'

I stopped short when abruptly greeted by an empty room. I glanced at the empty bed and went to the bathroom.

'Zi-vah?'

But it was empty.

I turned around and studied her room. The blankets on the bed were all messed up. I saw her wheelchair was still next to the bed. Suddenly I realised the IV drip hanging next to the bed was still functioning but disconnect, the end of the line lying on the floor surrounded by a pool of liquid.

My heart seemed to suddenly thump loudly in my chest.

I spun around and rushed to the nurses' station.

'Where is Ziva David?' I said, quickly.

The nurses looked at me in confusion.

My frustration built up in their lack of response.

'Her room is empty, her IV lying on the floor. WHERE IS SHE?' I repeated, almost shouting as I started to get angry.

The nurses suddenly were all in action, some rushing to her room, some ringing for security.

One of the nurses turned to me, having talked to security.

'They say a woman matching Miss David's description, left this ward one hour ago. And they have just discovered the same woman walking out of the hospital on security videos at around the same time.' She said, swiftly.

I gave her a glare and got out my mobile, pressing speed dial two.

'Gibbs.' came a voice at the other end.

'Boss, it's me. Ziva's gone.' I said urgently.

'What do you mean by 'gone'?' He asked sharply.

'She walked out of the hospital thirty minutes ago and nobody noticed.'

He cursed under his breath.

'Okay, I'll be at the hospital in five.' He muttered before hanging up, leaving me listening to the dial tone.

Now I had the task of figuring out where she'd be.

I tried to imagine Ziva's mind frame. Was she angry, upset? Would she be thinking clearly?

I knew that she often would go to the park near NCIS and sit on a certain bench when she needed space or would go for a run if she wanted to clear her head.

I grabbed a nurse's arm.

'Are there any parks near here?' I asked quickly.

'Um well…' the nurse thought for a while.

I ground my teeth silently to try to contain my frustration.

'There is one huge park about a twenty walk from here.' She finally said.

'Great.' I said before rushing off, ignoring the look that the nurse gave me.

I had just got off the elevator on the ground floor when I bumped into Gibbs walking in the opposite direction.

'Hey boss.'

'DiNozzo. Found her yet?'

'No boss. Well, not yet. I think I might have an idea of where she might be.' And I quickly filled him in with my idea.

'Well, I got McGee to check all the security and traffic cameras around the area, he spotted her in a couple and she IS headed in the direction of that particular park. Problem is, is that the park is very big, about ten square acres.' He replied, before we made our way swiftly to the car.

The rain was still pouring down heavily, falling in thick sheets as the wind blew in gusts.

A sick feeling rested in the pit of my stomach. I worried about what condition Ziva was in, whether she had managed to take any shelter.

I looked at Gibbs who turned to me. I saw concern and softness in his normally icy blue eyes, and I knew he was thinking the same as me.

'Call the local LEOs, Tony, call an ambulance and get McGee to meet us at the park entrance. The sooner we find her the better and we'll need all the help we can get. Who knows what state she could be in, especially in her condition and in this damn weather.'

After I had made the calls, the silence felt deafening in the car and the atmosphere was tense.

Neither one of us said anything as the rain continued to batter the car's windscreen and the feeling I had in my gut worsened.

Pulling into the park, after what felt like hours, I could already see the blue and red flashing lights of the local police and ambulance, and the officers standing in groups in the pouring rain. Both Gibbs and I snatched our raincoats out of the trunk and turned to the officers.

Gibbs held up a picture.

'This is the woman you are looking for.'

The officers all studied the photo of Ziva intently. It had been taken a year ago, one of the many photos that Abby had managed to snap of us. In it she was smiling warmly, her brown eyes shining, her hair down and around her shoulders. A lump formed in my throat as I remembered her before Somalia. I missed her.

Gibbs continued. 'Her name is Ziva David. She has spent the last week in hospital recovering about two surgeries to gunshot wounds. She is also pregnant. From what we can tell, she has been here for about an hours. We don't know what condition she might be in but just be prepared. If you find her or see anything suspicious, use your radio to call it in. Channel two everyone!'

And with that the officers scattered. Gibbs nodded at me before heading off in one direction and so I turned grimly to face the wind and rain and marched off in the other.

The wind howled around me and drove the rain into my face, I shivered involuntarily and turned up the collar of my jacket.

I scanned the huge park for any benches or covered areas. Not seeing any, I continued to steadily walk through the park.

'Ziva! Ziva?' I called anxiously every few seconds.

'Ziva?' I called loudly again.

This time I heard a reply. A moan.

I called again, louder this time.

'Ziva? Is that you? Can you hear me?'

I stood still expecting a response.

Nothing.

'Ziva?'

Silence.

I shook my head. I must be imagining things. Perhaps it was a howl of the wind that I heard.

I started walking again.

After a couple of minutes of circling, I heard another low moan.

It was unmistakable this time, definitely not the wind. Or rain.

'ZIVA?' I shouted.

'Tony.' I heard my name.

I squinted in the direction of the sound, wiping away the rain from my eyes.

Running towards the voice, I suddenly saw a figure crumpled on the ground, next to a bench.

'ZIVA!' I shouted again, with more urgency in my voice.

As I got closer, a could see her soaked little form scrunched up, almost in foetal position.

'Tony.' I heard her croak.

I got to her and knelt down, immediately taking off my coat and wrapping it over her in an attempt to keep her warm. She was completely soaked through and shivering uncontrollably, her wet hospital gown stuck to her wet figure and her hair clinged to her face which was pale.

'It's alright, we've found you now. Everything will be alright.' I soothed.

Her lips were turning almost blue and her teeth chattered frenziedly.

'Try not to talk, okay? You need to save your energy.' I said.

She said nothing, but I could see a tear running down her already wet face.

Taking the radio of my belt, I said,

'Gibbs, found her.'

'Good job, Tony. Where are you?' I heard the relief in Gibbs' voice.

I judged my position quickly, 'The east side of the park, next to a park bench near the perimeter.'

'Alright, we're on the opposite side of the park but we'll try to make our way to you.' Gibbs replied.

'Ziva, what were you thinking?' I murmured as I wrapped my arms around her, I felt her flinch and stopped.

I noticed her good arm lay across her stomach, covering not one but two big blood stains.

'Ziva, are you in pain?'

She nodded biting her lip. I knew she must be in a lot of pain to admit that.

'If you're injured, I need to take a look.'

Her eyes looked into mine and I could see pain and anguish deep within them.

'Please. I won't hurt you I promise.' I said with sincerity laced in my voice.

She nodded.

I peeled back my coat cautiously, got out my knife - courtesy of Rule No. Nine - and cut a big slit in her gown near the first blood stain, rather than lifting her whole gown up, at least sparing part of her dignity.

I realised that the stitches from the surgery to remove the bullet in her side had burst, causing the wound to tear open again leaking blood and fluid. I had nothing to clean the gaping wound with so I carefully covered the wound with the gown.

As I cut another slit at the other blood stain, I looked at Ziva. She dropped her eyes and turned her eyes away.

I saw that underneath, there was a pool of dried blood between her legs. I knew in that second what had happened.

'Oh Ziva,' I said quietly. 'I'm so sorry.'

I saw unshed tears in her eyes, and being careful not to cause her any more physical pain, pulled her into a hug, the only way I knew that could show her the compassion I felt for her at this moment. At first, she resisted and lay stiffly in my arms but I soon felt her relax into me.

After a couple of minutes of having wrapping my arms around her, I knew that I had to get her out of the rain. I scanned the park around me. No Gibbs.

'Ziva,' I spoke softly, 'we need to get you to the hospital. Do you think that you could sit up?'

She nodded grimly.

So I slowly helped her to sit up, while the whole time I could see her gritting her teeth, and I re-wrapped my coat around her shoulders.

Before I gathered her in my arms, I got out my radio.

'Gibbs, I'll take Ziva back to the park entrance to the ambulance.'

'Alright Tony. How is she?'

'In pain. And in shock. And Gibbs.' I paused.

'Yes?'

'I think she lost the baby.'

Silence.

'Gibbs?'

'Yes, I heard you Tony,' came a gruff reply, 'be careful.'

And with that I lifted her up in my arms and started the long walk back.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry about the rubbish ending! <strong>**But hope you liked the chapter! :)**

**Review, review, REVIEW! Pleeeease! :D Shoutouts in the next chapter for anyone that reviews!**

**Yes that might be a bribe. :P**

**P.S. Is Gibbs OOC in my story?**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry for not updating for ages! **

**Initially this was going to be a filler chapter but then it developed in something more. :)**

**I feel ill at the moment, and it is my birthday on Saturday so reviews would really cheer me up and would be a great birthday present! :)**

Chapter 9

3 days after Tony finding Ziva in the park.

Ziva's POV:

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

The annoying noise nagged at my consciousness, dragging me away from the deep black fog that clouded my head.

Suddenly I could hear everything, as if I had taken earplugs out of my ears. I kept my eyes shut, pretending to still be asleep and I listened.

All the sounds seemed to blare around me, the beeping of a monitor, the faint sound of nurses bustling along the hall, talking to each other, and voices.

I honed in on the voices. I knew whose they were immediately. One voice, gruff but with a tinge of worry, the other, a younger voice laced with concern.

'Boss, it's been three days.'

'You heard the Doctor, DiNozzo. He said she'd wake up when she's ready. Combined with the exhaustion and everything else…she needs to rest.'

I heard Tony sigh.

Exhaustion? What was Gibbs talking about? I tried to recall my last memory.

I shifted uncomfortably at the blurry memories without thinking and heard Tony gasp.

I knew I had to open my eyes. I cracked my eyes open a bit and blinked against the harsh white hospital lights that dazzled me overhead, to find Tony and Gibbs staring down at me as if I was a ghost.

It took a only a second for the expressions on their faces to change to smiles.

'Ziva! You're awake!' Relief was visible in Tony's face.

Gibbs' face relaxed.

'Ziver.' He spoke, warmth in his voice.

I gingerly moved to sit up, careful not to jar my shoulder from my surgery a few weeks ago. I was surprised to find that it didn't hurt that much anymore, just a gentle ache.

I looked down to find another IV in the crook of my other arm. Not again. I sighed.

'Ziva?' Tony asked cautiously.

'Hmm?' I answered distractedly.

'How do you feel?'

'Alright.'

'Erm…you know why you're here, right?'

'Yeah, because I had surgery on my bullet wounds and the doctors won't let me get out!' I finished with a growl.

Tony and Gibbs glanced at each other surreptitiously. But I noticed.

'What?' I asked brusquely. I hated it when people knew things that I didn't.

Tony cleared his throat.

'You don't remember what happened three days ago? In the park?'

I shook my head, at the same time trying to shake away the fogginess in my head. I tried to think three days back.

Nothing.

I just felt like I'd been asleep for a while. It must be something important that had happened, otherwise they would not ask me.

Suddenly I felt teary, I was useless and broken just like I had been after Somalia. I could not even remember something that had happened three days back. I thought about what I remembered last, Ryan Dalton and being shot twice by him, waking up after the surgery. After that, nothing.

A single, lone tear escaped my eye. I angrily brushed it away, annoyed that my body was letting me down and that I was actually crying.

But Tony saw.

He rushed to my beside and gathered me in his arms.

'Everything will be alright.' He said.

_Everything will be alright._

I froze rigidly in his arms, remembering everything.

_*FLASHBACK*_

_The doctor has just told me I am pregnant._

_It is Saleem's._

'_Zi, __**everything will be alright**__–'_

'_No Tony! Everything will not be alright! I am pregnant with the child of the man who raped me! A man who tortured me! A man who made my life hell! How can you tell me everything will be alright!'_

_*FLASHBACK*_

_I am in a park._

_Tony kneels down and puts his jacket around me._

'_It's alright, we've found you now. __**Everything will be alright**__.' He soothes._

_END OF FLASHBACK._

Suddenly, that one sentence had made the memories come flooding back.

I remembered being in the park.

The rain and the wind.

The pain and the blood.

I remembered that in that couple of hours, I had never felt more alone in my entire life.

Alone with my emotions, tears, pain. And the baby.

'The baby.' I breathed.

Tony stiffened.

I instinctively knew something was wrong. I felt it not only in the pit of my stomach but in my heart too.

'Tony.' I said sharply, pushing his arms off me. I saw hurt in his green eyes and felt a pang of regret.

'Tony. Please.' I whispered. My heart rate quickened, only to be noisily announced and emphasised by the heart monitor.

His eyes met mine briefly before looking down.

'Ziva, the baby's gone.'

'What?'

'You lost the baby.'

Tears spilled down my cheeks and I started sobbing uncontrollably.

I saw Tony give Gibbs an alarmed look as he came and held me.

The baby. It may have been Saleem's, but that day in the park I had realised one thing. It was my baby too. It was a new innocent life created among pain, torture and injustice. It was the one and only good thing that came out of being in Somalia. That day in the park, I also realised that despite how much I hated Saleem, I could not hate this innocent child and even though I had initially despised everything about it, I could not hurt it.

At the same time, in that one day, it had been taken away from me.

And that one seemingly innocent sentence that Tony said, circled my mind.

'_You lost the baby.'_

'_You lost the baby.'_

'_You lost the baby.'_

And as I sat with Tony's arms wrapped around me, my body shaking with sobs of grief, it was another reminder of how useless and broken I was; as a person, as a woman and now as a mother.

**Please leave a review. :)**

**I have a couple of potential ideas for what to do with the story, but am not sure yet. Therefore it might be a little while before I update again, however, where would you like the story to go? If you have an idea, feel free to review or PM me. Suggestions are very welcome! :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:**

**Thank you to everyone who read my chapter, anyone that came up with great suggestions and ideas, and my reviewers:**

**Diana Prince86; tivaandmcabby; tiva lovah; TheIsraeliNinjaStarOfDavid; aquasm; 7Seven7; ForeignMusicLyrics; m; pirate-princess1; Tiva-Babe UK, and my friends: 'Kat-rine' and 'Gouda' – love you!**

**You guys are awesome! :D**

**Here we go…**

**CHAPTER 10: **** (I don't own NCIS or its characters. Sadly.)**

_TONY'S POV._

It was 4 o'clock in the afternoon, and I'd given up doing my tiresome paperwork.

I leant back in my chair and stared at Ziva. It had been a couple of days since she had been released from the hospital, and she had been under strict instructions to do paperwork only. In those couple of days, she had managed to avoid talking to me about anything other than cases.

She sat there, typing robotically with a blank vacant look on her face. I could see that her heart and soul weren't into what she was doing, and she had lost the spark in her eyes. Every time I tried to talk to her about what happened, she would swiftly change the subject or ignore me. I knew I couldn't push it, after all she had been through so much emotionally and physically. I couldn't really force her to talk, but I knew I had to make her listen to me, to get through to her somehow.

Gibbs strode into the squadroom.

'Go home, that's enough paperwork for today.' He said before grabbing his coat from his desk and leaving.

I slowly started to gather up my things and watched Ziva closely.

She sighed, switching off her computer before grabbing her rucksack and briskly walking to the elevator.

I quickly stuffed my things in my own bag and swung it over my shoulder before running to the elevator.

The doors had already started to close as I approached and before they could close completely I inserted my hand into the gap. The doors re-opened revealing a not pleased Ziva.

'What are you doing, Tony?' she asked impatiently.

'Going home, Zi-vah.' I said, using my nickname for her to test her mood.

I stepped into elevator beside Ziva, leaving a gap between us. As soon as the doors closed and the elevator started to move, I moved quickly to flick the emergency switch causing it to judder to a halt and leaving us in the metallic tinged semi-darkness.

'Tony!' she snapped.

'Ziva,' I said softly, 'We need to talk.'

'About what?' she said sharply.

'You know what. About everything.'

I paused and took a deep breath.

'About the pregnancy and miscarriage and how you feel. We haven't even mentioned the miscarriage since it happened, none of us know how you are or how to help you.'

'I don't need your help.' She snapped.

'Ziva. You can't honestly look me in the eyes and tell me you're fine. If you were, I'd be worried, we all would be, especially after everything. We're all here for you, we want to help you.'

She stayed silent, head down so I carried on.

'You come to work and just sit there doing work the whole time, not talking to any of us. And when you eventually do, it's not about anything apart from cases. You don't let us in anymore.'

I continued.

'Gibbs knows something's up and he's doing his grizzly bear impression; Abby is upset that you never come down to see her anymore, has stopped wearing pigtails and thinks you hate her; McGee is being McGeekier than usual; and I…well I miss teasing my partner and correcting her English idioms.'

I heard a faint chuckle which was quickly smothered.

Ziva was still looking down towards to floor in silence. I stepped towards her and gently lifted up her chin with my finger and said:

'Please Zi.'

That was when I realised that her face was streaked with tears, her eyes filled with sadness. Her chocolate brown orbs connected with my own.

'I don't know what else to do.' She whispered so quietly that I almost didn't hear her.

'I do.' I whispered before leaning forwards and placing a feather light kiss on her lips.

Ziva looked at me, surprise clear in her eyes.

'Don't pretend, Tony.' She whispered.

'What?' I said, taking a step back, my surprise was obvious.

'You don't need to pretend that you have to do this, to like me or love me. You shouldn't, because I'm broken and beyond repair. Worthless.' She said sorrowfully.

'Ziva David. Don't let me ever hear you say that again.' I said, 'You are not worthless, you're the complete opposite. Priceless. Don't you ever wonder why we tried so hard to find you in Somalia? Why we avenged your supposed death?'

I continued.

'And what is broken can be fixed, what is damaged can be healed. The fact that you have survived so much, just shows how strong you are. And I have never pretended with you, Ziva. Why do you always think that your not capable of being loved?'

She looked unconvinced but smiled shyly at the last part.

'Tony.' She said, before stopping.

'Yes?' I prompted gently.

'I don't think I can,' she said hesitantly, 'I don't think I'm…ready for a relationship at the moment'

'I know,' I said sincerely, 'I just wanted to tell you how I feel. I wanted to show you that you won't be alone. Ever. I want to help you heal.'

'If you'll let me.' I added.

After a big pause, Ziva nodded.

I know that I hadn't needed to hear an answer, acceptance was enough.

I gave her a hug, and felt her relax against me.

'I think we should get out of the elevator now, people are going to be worried that an interrogation is taking place or something.' I joked.

Ziva gave a small smile.

'Let's get pizza and a movie, just like old times.' She said quietly.

'It's as if you could read my mind.' I smiled.

**What did you think? **

**Thought I'd make the ending a bit more light-hearted. :)**

**Don't worry! The talking will continue! I thought it would all be too long to fit into one chapter, so it'll be continued in the next. :)**

**Anyways, thanks for reading, and don't forget to leave a review! :D**

**xxx**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who's stuck with the story so far. I know I haven't updated for aaaagesss, I'm sorry. :(**

**I have only managed to find the time to update cos I'm ill! Anyways...here we go!**

Chapter 11:

Tony's apartment:

We sat, sprawled out on the sofa.

An empty pizza box was balancing on my knee. The credits from the 'Sound of Music' rolled up the screen. I had let Ziva pick the film and the pizza, she needed a break and to be selfish for once in her life.

Towards the end, she had become droopier, ending up leaning against my left shoulder fast asleep, pinning my arm to my side.

Now she was snoring softly, oblivious to her surroundings.

I was kind of proud that she had felt relaxed enough to put down her defensive walls and to let me see the weaker side of her.

My arm twitched slightly, having had the blood supply cut off and I felt the urge to move it as a pins and needles sensation set in. However, as much as I wanted to free my arm, I didn't want to awake Ziva from her peaceful slumber.

I slowly twisted, manoevering myself around her slowly, and in doing so, knocked the tv remote onto the floor with a loud thud. I held my breath.

'Tony?' Ziva said sleepily.

I cursed my non-existant ninja skills under my breath.

'Yeah?

'What time is it?'

'Um…11 o'clock.' I replied.

'Hmmm.' She mumbled before promptly falling asleep again.

I knew what to do this time.

After standing up and switching off the T.V, I turned and swiftly yet gently gathered Ziva in my arms.

I paused, she didn't stir from her slumber.

I carefully crossed the room, towards my bedroom, wary of the figure in my arms.

Approaching the large double bed, I somehow managed to stoop and pull back the duvet, before tenderly laying Ziva down in the bed.

I repositioned the duvet over her prostate body, before standing back.

She looked so peaceful, breathing deeply with a serene look of her face. I hoped she was having sweet dreams.

I lightly walked out of the room, leaving the door ajar, just in case. After getting a pillow and blanket from the cupboards, and preparing them on the sofa, I lay down. Shutting my heavy eyelids, I reflected on the past few weeks, feeling more positive about Ziva and I. And within thirty seconds, I drifted into sleep.

_Ziva:_

_I sat in the corner of the room, leaning my tired body against the cool mud walls._

_My clothes were torn up and almost non-existant, but they were the only remnants of the belongings I once had, as well as my dignity and pride. My skin was already crusted with weeks of dirt, dust and sweat, as well as being covered with blotchy bruises, varying from blue, purple to yellow-green. My whole body ached. _

_I stared blankly at my surroundings, and idly watched the small dust moats floating gently through the air. They aimlessly drifted, wherever the stifling air would take them, not influenced by time, emotion or need._

_My eyes followed them, as if by hypnosis, the only thing I could do to forget the pain._

_The physical pain._

_The emotional pain._

_The humiliation._

_The pain of not knowing._

_The pain of waiting._

_The pain of remembering._

_Suddenly, I heard footsteps getting louder, coming towards the room._

_I shut my eyes, praying it was a dream._

_The stiff iron bolts of the door were slowly slid back with a grind. And the person stepped into the room, then Saleem's sinister voice filled the room._

'_Don't pretend I'm not here, sweetie. You can't get away that easily.'_

_And with that, he walked closer and closer until I could smell the familiar and sickening stench emanating from him._

_I shut my eyes tighter and hunched myself further into the corner, willing the walls to protect me._

_He came closer and knelt down, only a few inches from my face. I could feel his breath against my skin. And even with my eyes shut and my hands over my head, I could see his black cavernous eyes boring into my soul…_

Tony's POV:

I awoke with a start to a bone-chilling scream coming from my bedroom.

Ziva.

Without even thinking I launched myself off the sofa and sprinted towards the sound.

I found her sitting bolt upright, the duvet twisted around her body, screaming for her life.

'Ziva. ZIVA!' I half said, half shouted.

Her eyes were unfocused, blankly staring ahead. A sheen of perspiration coated her, and she was shaking uncontrollably.

I took hold of her shoulders firmly yet gently, and gave her a little shake.

'Ziva,' I urged, 'Ziva. It's okay, you're here and you're safe.'

With a start, she woke up and her gaze focused on me.

'It was Saleem.' she whispered, before starting to cry in my arms.

**Okay. :D Please PLEASE review. It means so much, to know what people think and to know what ideas they have.**

**Thank you to the people who reviewed the last chapter. :) And to my friends who have nagged me to write another chapter. ;)**

**I have loads of exams this month, and in the next few months, so I can't promise to update for a while, but I'll try! :)**

**See ya!**


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